Will Chapman, owner and manager of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes is secretly preparing his pancake batter for the next morning, his book of family recipes lies upon the table, which has been moved aside to make room for the bonfire he has lit in the middle of the kitchen floor.
“Yesssss, boil, my lovely batter, you will be the next set of beautiful fried gold for the President- Who’s there!”
“Umm, it’s me, I guess. What are you doing!?”
“I’m, uh, just making pancake batter!”
“At midnight, over a bonfire? I’m turning on the lights.”
“Will? Where’d you go?”
As the scene opens, Will Chapman, owner and manager of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes is about to take the President’s breakfast order, confident that he will order the usual pancake platter. He has long since discontinued “Badger, Slayer of Tiamat, Keeper of the Geometric Nucleus” due to complications during his previous attempt to create the masterpiece, and replaced it with the ubiquitous pancakes on a plate.
Striding over to the President’s table, Will confidently asks the President what he desires for breakfast.
“Mr. President, sir, I would assume that you will order the usual this morning?”
“You assume incorrectly, Mr. Chapman, I tire of the ceaseless pancakes, I would like something else for a change; I would like… a waffle.”
The request seems to have struck Mr. Chapman unusually hard as he begins to sway on his feet, rocking back and forth like a ship in a gale until he pitches over backwards upon the floor. His expression unchanged, the President’s guards pick him up and haul him down the corridor. A single shriek of terror issues from the hallway, but otherwise all is still.
The silence still unbroken, the guards walk into the room with Will’s motionless form in their arms, afraid to jostle him again for fear that he may revive and let loose another indication of his state of mind.
Depositing him on the table, they creep from the room and close the door behind them gently.
Our hero having revived from his initial shock, he slides down from the table and hurriedly begins making preparations for the monumental task ahead.
“Watson, er, Mr.Cole, get in here, I need you!”
Name: GORDON! GORDON COLE! Occupation: The Mouth of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes. (May he never be hungry.) Culinary Experience: He’s watched every episode of Alton Brown’s Good Eats television series and owns the complete DVD collection.
Mr. Cole should be a great addition to Will’s staff here at the house of pancakes, and Will is about to put him to the test.
The great master of the breakfast food pauses before giving his speech.
“I have a challenge to place before you, I sincerely hope that you will rise to it and triumph mightily. Our beloved leader has requested that which we chefs fear most, a food that can not be made by hand or by normal means of preparation, but requires a specific tool to create properly.”
“A Uni-tasker!? Noooo! The great and illustrious Alton Brown would never even consider-”
“Fear not, for I have no such plans, I will create this dish without any such standard means, rather, I will be innovative and original, that which sets the gourmet apart from everyday cooking. Together, we shall make THE WAFFLE without a waffle iron.”
Moved beyond words, the awed assistant can only nod in recognition of this praiseworthy cause.
A waffle is just a glorified pancake, or so they thought, but how to go about turning a pancake into a waffle? Uncertainty is the mother of creativity; when you’re unsure what to do, try everything. Start with your 99¢ cookbook and end with Hitler’s secret family recipes. Try everything else under the sun in between.
As Mr. Cole walks over to the kitchen drawers in search of some culinary gadgetry, Will tries to carve the pancake into a waffle with his trusty ka-bar. The result is less than appealing and he quickly grabs another pancake to force his genius, improvised techniques upon.
While thus occupied, his assistant ransacks the cabinets and drawers. After silently musing for a few moments, our favorite chef impresses himself with his quick thinking and ingenuity. Spray paint! Mr. Chapman quickly retrieves a bottle of spray paint from a cupboard and begins camouflaging his pancake as a waffle.
His intent search rewarded, the Chef-in-Training finds a most curious implement during his rummaging.
“Well, what have you found in there?”
“Uh, I found a spoon.”
“Aaargh- Put that back in there, and don’t come back over here with it!”
“Well, that was strange.”
Going back to their work, both cooks are experiencing a sense of déjà vu, yet neither speaks of it for fear of ridicule by the other. Chef Chapman commences exploring the contents of the oven, while Sous-chef Cole acquires an acetylene torch from who knows where and designs a new dish.
Will continues his investigation of the oven as Mr. Cole exits the kitchen in search of fresh ideas and possibly some power tools.
Mr Chapman scores big with an oven rack and a brilliant idea for “Inverted waffles.” Taking another warm, fresh pancake from it’s resting place, Will slaps it upon the table with great force born of enthusiasm and too much morning coffee.
Feeling invigorated, our hero raises the oven rack high above his head like an executioner’s axe and lets out a wild war-cry before bringing it down with a crash…
...And nearly loosens every tooth in his head with the vibration from the impact. Another yell escapes him, but this time in pain; this is no ordinary pancake, he understands this characteristic of a certain variety of pancake too well. He must have stashed some of his indestructible breakfast items in here from last time and forgotten to throw them out!
Returning from his idea hunt throughout the building, Under-chef Cole triumphantly seizes the pancake from the table's surface and slings it upon the floor.
“Mr. Cole, what are you doing!?”
“Have you ever taken a good look at the bottom of your feet lately? They ought to leave a nice, square imprint!”
“But this isn't a normal pancake! It's-”
“Stand back, Will!”
With maniacal energy, the unwitting assistant leaps into the air and lands upon the pancake. While the sight of a man in mid-air above a pancake may seem rather spectacular, the expected outcome is quite different from what is to be the reality.
Under normal circumstances this would have resulted in a meal “Flatter than a pancake,” but unfortunately Mr. Cole was not acquainted with this particular species of griddle-cake.
“The weight isn't concentrated enough! I need- Stilts!”
Indeed, it is not every day that you see a man on stilts doing a jig on top of a pancake laid upon a kitchen floor, but this is not your average day.
Undeterred by his failure to produce even the slightest indentation upon the impervious breakfast food, he forges ahead without caution. Quickly flipping the table on it's side, he drags a perplexed Will behind it.
Pulling a grenade from his pocket, Mr. Cole pulls the pin without thinking. Wasting no time on words, the horrified Chef Chapman ducks in cover behind the table, covering his ears.
Mr. Cole throws the grenade onto the manhole cover on top of the pancake. The idea is that the resulting explosion will create extreme downward force and imprint the texture upon the food item. Will's pyromaniac assistant barely has time to duck before the grenade goes off!
The kitchen is once again subjected to another explosion and the president begins to seriously wonder if Will is completely sane. Peeping above his shelter, Mr Cole is astounded by the lack of change affected upon the pancake.
At this point, Mr. Chapman has just about decided to fire his new maniac assistant as he surveys the surrounding disaster area. However, he has no time to think about it as he is caught up in a whirlwind of activity. When the dust dies down, there is an anvil hanging from the ceiling above the pancake situated on the table.
Even more frightening is Mr. Cole hacking away at the rope holding the anvil with a knife.
Will barely dives for the window in time as the anvil crashes through the table! However, he had neglected the fact that the President's kitchen was located on the third floor, and is sent plummeting to his doom.
Who knows what would have happened if that decorative pool hadn't been at the bottom! Still he hadn't been beat yet! Nearly getting killed multiple times in rapid succession does something to one's judgment, and in short order Will had forgotten that the pancake was indestructible.
Rushing down the hall for the phone booth, Mr. Chapman leaves Mr. Cole to finish cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.
“Hello, operator? Can you get me Big Ed’s Monster Trucks, please?”
Continue your journey through the rise and demise of Will Chapman by clicking the link! Part 2 -->
Hilarious! I'm glad that Will is giving you a glaive for this, and if I know how generous he is, he's gonna throw in some extra prototypes too. Wow, this is fantastic! I just can't believe how awesome this is!
Part II should be up in less than a week, all of the photography is finished and I just need to do some photo editing and write up the story. I've already got most of the plot details written out. -Freela