The whole alliance thing, so far, so good. The rebellion has only hit a bump or two so far but the empire has them on there toes, and on the run.
Our practical hero of the "Dark Times" (Or not?) has arrived on Coruscant due to an urgent call from master Shim on behalf of the Jedi order.
About this creation
"Jedi stay where you are!"
"Thats right your light saber too, I want it all on the ground."
Nate slowly approaches the rebels back. He stares at the Jedi who appears not to notice his presence. "Commander, guard the entrance to the ally way. So Shim, you called me?" The commander obediently walks to the end of the ally way and stands guard.
A criminal walks over to him.
Criminal: "Out of the way!"
Commander takes little notice of his threat and raises his blaster.
Commander acknowledges his second try of entry and and doesn't hesitate to end him.
Blaster sounds killing the trandoshan.
Shim: "I have gathered plans for an imperial base on......."
Sith silently creeps up behind Nate ready to punish.
Shim forces up his saber and blocks the attack. Nate thought Shim was attacking him, but he finally came to his senses and looks behind him just as Master Shim is thrown backwards.
He ignites his saber in a heart beat and deflects the attack.
Master Shim throws is lightsaber in effort to kill the sith but he is to fast and catches it. The sith wields his to sabers in two different directions forcing Nate to fall to the ground in order to block his quick attacks.
He takes a quick second to gasp.
He acts quickly and forces the sith up and away from him.
Master Shim regains balance and hinds himself face to face with the sith.
Nate gets up and watches Shim in admiration.
The sith forces the two Jedi down with one quick sweep of power.
Shim gets back to his feat and kicks the sith in the head.
He forces up the siths saber and decapitates him.
Nate: Crazy how life works isn't it?
Commander runs in frantically.
They destroyed it!
You've got a pretty decent story going here. You asked my advice on how to get your things noticed more? There's a LOT that goes into that (way too much for a comment) but let's start small here. A lot is attention to details. You've gotten off on the right foot here. You're water running into the grate was a nice touch. There is one glaring oversight in this post though. At the end, you said that the jedi decapitated the sith but the body on the ground... still has it's head. Just watch those details and keep on building. The more you practice, the more skilled you'll become. The more skilled you become, the more people will notice. Good luck to ya! ~ Chris.
Pretty cool, man! I like that this part is action-packed and the effects with the sabers worked out nicely. Thanks for putting me in there as a Jedi master! I think eventually my bounty hunter will turn good, so your story kinda fits into mine. Nicely done!