Now, onto the entry. My category was "Futuristic Farming". Enjoy...
Welcome to Dirty Careers, with Ike Srowe. Today we will be exploring the occupation of farming.
So what exactly is farming? Years ago someone might have thought of a farmer as someone like this. A rednecked,country person who works in feilds all day,
But here in the year 2057, farming has drastically changed. All farmers who slaughtered animals for food are now out of business. There is one corperation that owns a complete monopoly of the processed meat industry, Bafer Corps. Bafer Corps has put all other animal farmers completely out of business with their revolutionary meat paties, the Bafer Wafer. Here is the owner of Bafer Corps, Screngor V. Bafer. Looks a lot different than the last picture dosn't it?
In the early days of our country, certain farmers were fameous for using slave labor.
*Buzz Droid insustries and this station do not endorse or encourage such racial behavior as this. This image is for educational purposed only.*
There are some people who say that even after the North won the Civil War, slave labor continued to live on. Is this true, and is Bafer Corps really guilty of this crime? Today we will investigate that question as we take a tour of Bafer Farms, and see just what goes into making the Bafer Wafer.
Ike:So here we are with Curtis Hambelly, the systems engineer of Bafer Farms. He will be giving us a tour of the farm and show us how Bafer Wafers are made.
Hambelly: Thankyou Ike, right now we are at our labs, where our scientists have invented a special food capable of feeding all of the animals we keep here.
Ike: So what kind of amimals do you make Bafer Wafers out of?
Hambelly: Well whatever we can get a hold of. We genetically enhance the females to give birth every 2 hours but we still run low sometimes. We have got quite an assortmant of wildlife going into the Bafer Wafers, but you will see more of that later.
Ike: So tell me more about what you feed the animals.
Hambelly: We needed something that we can feed every animal we needed too. We also needed something that would promote rapid growth and put lots of meat on the animal. Our solution is called the Meat Cone. It is a genetically altered carrot that we have planted in our feilds out back. Come outside and I'll show you.
Hambelly: This is one of the many feilds where Meat Cones are grown. As you see there is a lot of brush and overgrown plants in these feilds. That is because the Meat Cones not only promote growth in aminals, but also in plants. That is one side effect out scientists have not been able to fix. Workers like these people hack through all the plants until they find the Meat Cones, and pick them.
Ike: As you know, the has been a lot of controversy about your workers. So how much are these workers paid?
Hambelly: Paid? They arn't paid. There is no need to. We give them food and water twice a day, and that's all they need. They are working the rest of the day. If we lower their hours then they have time to plan strikes, and we sure can't have that.
Ike: So, do you think it is a good idea to give disgrundeled, underpaid workers such sharp objects?
Hambelly: Oh, don't worry about them. Their helmets have are rigged to shock them whenever they cross the red lines.
Hambelly: See, I'll demonstrate with this worker.
Worker: No! wait, don't! Augh!
Ike: Will he be ok?
Hambelly: Don't worry about him, he will make up his work by taking an extra night shift.
Ike: I mean will he survive that shock.
Hambelly: Oh! Probably. He will most likely wake up with a severe headace and twitching limbs.
Hambelly: Now here is where we keep all our animals. They are kept here in these cages until it is time to kill them.
Ike: Wow, it looks crowded in there.
Hambelly: Yeah, we try to make the most of our space.
Ike: Is that an octopus in there?
Hambelly: Well so it is! There hasn't been one of those in here for a long time. The last one knocked three workers off a ledge. The Bafer Wafers they were in also tasted a little more slimy than usual.
Ike: The workes seem to be having fun here.
Hambelly: Oh yes, out workers here thouroly enjoy their job. They play games to see who can pick up the most odd animals.
Hambelly: They lift the animals onto the conveyor belts which lead into the next chamber.
Hambelly: Now we are about to enter the chamber where the Bafer Wafers are produced. You might want to put this helmet on, it will help with the smell.
Ike: O.K., I'm ready.
Hambelly: Well my goodness! Open the helmet if you have to vomit!
Ike: BLECH! It smells like death in here! EWWWwww! Where is that smell coming from?
Hambelly: Just look up and you'll see.
[amimals screaming and being crushed sounds]
Hambelly: This is where the magic happens. The animals are taken on conveyor belts too the grinding chamber, where giant saws grind all the animals into a meaty mixture. The mixture is then poured onto the conveyor belts and the Bafer Wafers are taken to the the packageing machines.
Ike: Those animals don't look very happy.
Hambelly: Well, I wouldn't either if conveyor belts were dumping me into a box full of saws, ready to grind me to my death(chuckles). We have workers stationed next to the conveyor belts with cattle prods. They restrain the animals from escaping.
Ike: Well, I think I have seen enough, lets go where it smells a little better.
Hambelly: Oh come on! You havn't even seen the packaging station yet!
Hambelly: workers carry the Bafer Wafers in these carts to one of the two packaging stations. We have had several problems with these carts tipping over, but it isn't room in our budget to fix them.
Worker slips on a banana peel.
Hambelly: see what I mean?
Ike: What is that sound?
Hambelly: I think it is coming from the machine. Oh no! Brace yourself!!!
[gyser of blood and guts spewing out of grinder sound]
Hambelly: EW! Disgusting! There are blood and guts everywhere! There is a cow rib-cage, a large intestine, and what is this I am standing in? Ike! Did you throw up again?
Ike: Ugh! I'm never eating another Bafer Wafer ever again!
Ike: So what just happened!
Hambelly: It looks like the machine is clogged again. It has a nasty habbit of regurgetating all of it's contents when it's clogged.
Ike: So how does one unclog the machine?
Hambelly: We'll have someone clean it out.
Ike: And what poor, unfortunate soul has to do that?
Ike: Here next to me is the poor, unfortunate soul who has to clean this machine out.
Ike: So how are you going to unclog this?
Worker: I'll poke atta whats cloggin it with this here spear, until its small enough to go through the grinder blades.
Ike: It looks dangerous in there, with all those saws.
Worker: I'll be erright'.
Ike: So, any last words before you go down their?
Worker: Make good grades in school kids, or you'll end up working here!
Ike: So how is it down their?
Worker: I've almost got it! There, I'm done!
Hambelly: GREAT! I'll start the machine up again!
Worker: NO! DON'T! I'M STILL IN IT!
Hambelly: Oh, was he still in their?
Ike: Yeah, and that Bafer Wafer looks disgusting. I think we are done here.
Ike: Now, we have been granted an exclusive interview with the owner of Bafer Corps, Screngor V. Bafer. He started in the processed food industry, and eventually outperformed all other companies with his revolutionary multi-meat product: the Bafer Wafer. He is currently he third richest person in the world, and is still being tried in court for the dissapearance of 12 FDA members.
Ike: Hello Mr. Bafer.
Mr. Bafer: Ah, I've been expecting you.
Ike: This is a pretty impresive office. You must really like achient Egypt.
Mr. Bafer: I love Egypt, or pretty much any achient Empire. One day, the name Screngor V. Bafer will go down as one of the most powerful men in history.
Ike: Thats nice. Now a lot of people have been complaining that your complaining about your products. The Bafer Wafer has been named the Most Unhealthy food of the decade by Health Magazine. Many people think that if you didn't have a monopoly of the meat industry, you wouldn't sell a single product. Over one third of Americans say that your products cause indigestiion.
Mr. Bafer: Well, about the indigestion, I would like to introduct my new business partner: Speedy Alka-Seltzer.
Speedy: Hey guys!
Mr. Bafer: Now whenever you buy a Dulux 2-pack of Bafer Wafers, you will receive two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Ike: That's very nice, but what about all the animals you use to make Bafer Wafers. I saw many different animals that are illegal to use in food when I toured the farm and..
Mr. Bafer: YOU TOURED THE FARM!?!?
Ike: Of course, it was part of the plan the whole time. Me and my camera crew were permitted access to go inside.
Mr. Bafer: I see. well, I think there has been some mistake. I did not give you permission to tour and film whats inside my farm. I am afraid I will need all your film destroyed and you and the camera crew must swear to secrecy.
Ike: I'm sorry, but I will not. It's about time the public knew the truth about what they are eating.
Mr. Bafer: Well, Speedy, you know what to do.
Speedy: Right, sir.
Speedy: HHHi YYYAAAAAAAa!!!!!!!
Boom Microphone Holder: OOF!
Ike: Oh no! We're under attack! Run!!!!
Speedy: Oh No you don't!!!
Ike: Cameraman, throw your water bottle at him!
Cameraman: Have a drink Speedy!
[Sound of bubbling to death]
Ike: Hurry, lets get out of here!
Mr. Bafer: I hate it when this happens. I'm gonna sue!!!
Whew! What an exhausting post. That was 64 pictures total, and all uploaded in the wrong order. As you see the pictures are all numbered. I had to do that to get them all in the right order. Anyway, this has probably been my most massive contest entry yet. It included 4 Dioramas and 5 Vignettes. It was very funny how I came up with the idea for this entry. It just so happens that I have been studying about the farmers and slaves from early America in History class, and studying genetic engineering in Biology. When I got the "Futuristic Farming" category they both came together, I came up with a funny name for the meat products, and BOOM, I had my story ready. I'm not sure if I want to do another story this long though. Due to the responses about the Kool-Aid Man in my last entry I decided to include Speedy Alka-Seltzer in this one. I think I might have to include someone like that in every Mocolympics entry now... Also, one last thing. If you are observant, you might have noticed that the boom microphone appears in quite a lot of pictures. This is a reference to this wonderful animation I came across a few weeks ago. No I did not make it, mobdeli did. Anyway, it's been fun, and I hope I can advance to the next round. If not, then its been good competing.