Sigh…condominiums! Ya gotta hate ‘em. After the housing market went down the toilet, those ugly, mass-produced domiciles lay strewn about America, unoccupied and vacant. They were a shameful blight on this country…until now!
With my recently acquired New Jersey lottery winnings, I’ve decided to give this decrepit old condo a new lease on life (no pun intended) as a mobile fun house for yours truly! It’s jam-packed with all the stuff I could ever need for a fun-filled vacation; whether or not my family agrees is an entirely different matter…
‘Merica: home of the free, nation of the proud, and land of the filthy rich!
Yep! This baby has some sweet retro-wheels! The front ones can handle tight corners like nobody's business.
When the ramp to my front door isn’t being used, it is closed up to keep IRS Agents, Commies, and 99%ers off my property.
Features separating-capability from chassis, enabling play inside to be conducted much easier.
As you can see, I’ve had a bit of a Patriotic re-vamp. Oh, I apologize about not standing up: I’m so comfortable in my golden-laced pants that I really don’t want to exert any extra energy than I have to. I mean, I did just climb up a stupid chain to get all the way up here; the missus won’t let me put a Teleporter in, so whenever I want to shoot me some clays, I gotta climb up the side of the condo. Thank heavens I’ve got my Monster Energy drinks and mutton-bucket; they help me stay nice and juiced!
*BOOOOM!* Aaaaand another clay bites the dust!
This here is my fully-functional, semi-automatic Clay Shooter 3000. It can launch targets up to half a mile at 10FFAMs (that’s finger-flicks-a-minute). I tell ya, there ought to be one of these bad-boys in every American home! Only costs $1000. You’ve got that much lying around…right? Oooooh, I forgot: you’re not wealthy like me…such a shame…
This here’s Junior. Ain’t he the spitting image of me? I make him work the Clay Shooter. Judging by his expression, he hates it, but hey, the little runt has got to learn the value of hard work and - hold on a sec - JUNIOR! Not so high next time! You’re old man can’t even see the darn things!....that’s better! As I was saying, it’s rough on the little guy, but a little hard-work never hurt anybody.
Got my Bose premium speaker set up to get my groove going…sounds like American Dream by Switchfoot is playing right now…how fitting!
If ya look reeeeeallly hard, you just might make out a pair of “P”s painted on my roof. Hmmm…I wonder who did that? Was it the roofer Pedro? The realtor Pauline? Or maybe somebody higher up in the food chain?
The first floor. Let’s take a closer look…
When I hit the jack-pot, the first thing I bought was a Roomba. What this little robot-thing does is clean my floors 24/7. A lot of people used to call me a lazy hog for buying one, but after I sent them some tens and twenties, they began to agree with me. Money, dear children, is a wonderful thing!
This here’s my 4D Apple iTV. Cost me a couple grand, but there just ain’t nothing like watching Stormtrooper blasters rounds literally graze your head. Am I right?
My daughter, vegging out with a bowl of popcorn. Not that I blame her, though: that TV is addictive!
I hope my wife is preparing my lunch for me. She used to make me all this healthy garbage, but since I got rich, I force her to make me exciting new meat creations every day. It helps her mind be creative, ya know? Looks like she’s putting together my Pizzchicken SHIP. Yummy!
My stupid conure Boobah hasn’t changed a bit over the past ten years: all he ever does is squawk and poop. At least he looks classy now, with his golden perch and all...
What’s that, you ask? That, good people, is my pet-project that might net me a "Holy-Fudge-You-Are-a-God" Award one of these days: a cloning machine nurturing one of the most important humans to ever walk the face of the earth. I consider the clone to be something akin to my second-and-a-half child. But who could he be...?
Suit? Check. Mustache? Check. Fertile imagination? Check! Yep, you guessed it! I'm currently cloning....drum roll please...WALT FLIPPING DISNEY! Woot! How 'bout that for using my money wisely!
Let’s head on upstairs!
My weapon cache, consisting of my FX lightsaber, golden katana, and my claymore; used for scaring away tax-agents…
I control the whole vehicle right from this comfy command post. Nothing beats driving a 300 ton house down a road!
I’ve got an ATM machine…jealous much? I use it to make Bricklink orders, buy groceries, toys, cars, boats, ya know, the usual. Right next to it is some of my spare change…I leave it lying out to annoy guests :D
This here’s my MOC-breakdown-bin. Ain’t it big as all get-out? I’m showing it to you first so you get an inkling of the number of LEGO pieces I own…more on that later…
Since I couldn’t hire the real Nannan Z to ghost-create my MOCs (the man drives a hard deal, even for a millionaire like myself), I decided to stick-it-to-him and go with the next best thing: an animatronics Nannan Z figurine. Features spring-loaded bending knees to bow before the awesomeness of my MOCs and synthetic voice complimenting me on a job-well done.
“I bow before you, Master. What is thy bidding?” :D
I keep my LEGO pieces in a fully-functional vault, complete with retinal scanner…want one for your own collection? NO CAN DO! HAH! I snagged the only one in existence! Mwahahahaha!
All-right, let’s crack the vault door a bit and look inside.
Ooooo! So many pieces! Don’t you just want to dive in to that mess of bricks fully naked? *cricket cricket* Ooookay, shouldn’t have let that slip out…
The whole creation can be taken apart easily thanks to easy-lift-off technology. God bless the person who invented that technique...
Annnnd that’s all folks! Hope you’ve enjoyed the tour of my Xtreme Condo! Now, I guess the only question is: U JEALOUS, BRO? Mwahahaha!
Creator's side note: it may interest the public to know that Mr. Willie Sparks was arrested three days after this creation was posted; the three charges were as follows:
Being a complete idiot
Giving America a bad name
I think this final picture is a good representation of what I have been doing since this contest started…
*sound of chugging*
Now that all of you think I’m completely insane, I'll talk about this entry (my last, I might add) for a bit: I got the idea for this MOC from a group of condos that I pass every day on my way to work. I thought, “Man, someone really ought to have a bit of fun with those ugly things!” So, I started thinking up ways to make them cool and hip…I guess I went a bit over-board, but hey, the judges said “go all out”. Also, I might as well put in an apology to my favorite builder Nannan Z for the bit of smack I threw into this creation; honestly, folks, it was the only way I could get him back for turning down that ghost-MOCing deal I offered him…
Well folks, it’s been fun! See ya next year (hopefully ;) and as always: