The curse of SigHansi Part 2: Confessions of a Tailgater . Sig Hansi here with another glimpse into the depths of my affliction. One of the keys to seeing your favorite professional sports team play live is to pump your expectations up to astronomical heights; this ensures that your ego has the maximum distance to plummet when your team crushes your soul and snatches defeat from the claws of victory. This emotional roller-coaster is usually achieved by participating in the age-old tradition of the 'Tailgater'. This is your opportunity to consume mass amounts of BBQ, adult beverages and/or anything else that might 'alter' your state of mind. Much like that ugly woman at the end of the bar, the more inebriated you become, the better she looks and the more you like your chances. Unfortunately, when you're a Raider fan, you usually just wake up hungover and emotionally scarred with foggy memories of some unnatural activities(much like a night out with Phipson). So, without further fanfare, I present you with a small diorama of a Raider's tailgater. . It's a sunny Sunday in Oakland California as the unsuspecting spectators gathered to celebrate the impending clash of grid-iron gladiators...
Full of hope and optimism, they are blind to the most basic of facts: these are the Oakland Raiders. Owned by the Crypt Keeper, er, Al Davis, this team is a team of destiny. Unfortunately that destiny is to wallow in mediocrity and offer up yet another losing season...
A tailgater 'must' is the purchase of team merchandise. Spending obscene amounts of money is not merely reserved for greasy food and mass quantities of adult beverages, no, there is a veritable plethora of sidewalk vendors and street hustlers ready to provide you with cheap knock-off hats and t-shirts, complete with misspellings and poor renderings of your team's logo! Get yours today!
Fan#1: Wow dude, you really need to do something with your lettuce! What do you call that look, the 'Don King'? What do you use to get it like that, 'Soul Glo'?
Fan#2: You're f-ing hilarious! I was planning on gettin' a new lid, I just need the right one...
Fan#2: How's this?
Fan#1: Much better, now you won't have to keep answering questions about why you ruined Mike Tyson's career...
One thing is for certain: if your going to invite a greenhorn(s) to the game,it's best to properly prepare them for what they are about to experience, especially in Oakland...
SigHansi: Well Chris, I know you don't like football, but I'm glad you decided to come and see what it's all about. Good food and friends, that's how we roll!
SigNutty: Did your brother tell Chris what he put those brownies?
SigDawn: I'm not sure. I guess we're going to find out.
SigPhipson: Yeah Hansi, this isn't too bad. So you say these brownies are your own special recipe? *munch* They're delicious! *gulp* I think I'll have another one...Hey, here comes Shannon Young! Is he wearing a Broncos jersey?
SigHansi: Um, Chris, I really think you should slow down with those brownies...What the?! Did you say 'Broncos jersey'?!
Because what you tell them may very well save their lives!
SigYoung: Hey there mates! I made it! What are you all staring like that for?
RaiderFan#1: Who the hell does that guy think he is?!
RaiderFan#2: We're gonna shove that jersey so far up his rectum he'll be flossing with it!
RaiderFan#3: I can't believe I let you guys talk me into wearing this ridiculous costume...
But, THE most important thing to remember when priming yourself up for the game...
Pirate#1: YeeHaw! Thish ish gonna be oshum! *hic* We're gonna kick their ashes! *belch*
Pirate#2: Hell yeah! And if we don't, we can just beat the crap outa the fans of the other team! I call that a 'win,win'!
Pirate#3: Hey, has anyone seen Pirate#4, I mean Bob?
Moderation is an absolute must!
Pirate#4(Bob):*yack* *barf* *wretch*
Pirate#1: I'm sure he'sh around here shumwhere...*hic*
Here are few individual shots of the cars and such. The bikes are showing the kickstands that I added, not much else.
Fourth dimension commentary:
This is part 2 of my Curse trilogy. The layout for part 3 was actually finished first and was awaiting all the figs from this and a CrackLink order of letters before pics could be taken. The use of Shannon Young and Chris Phipson are merely a lame attempt to draw attention to myself and a simple way to get a cheap laugh(plus, they are favs of mine). Anyway, I hope you get a chuckle and stay tuned for part 3, where we find out exactly what affect those brownies had on Cris...In the meantime, keep on brickin' on!~H