CP-69 . Mark Kelso vs. James Theodore: MOC-off entry . So I’m minding my own business, and innocently going about my usual MOCpages routine (of smack-talking the AFOLs, leaving “inappropriate” comments, and abusing my moderating privileges!), when out of the blue some joker named James Theo-dork (or is it Theo-snore? I can’t remember. Anyway…) lays down the gauntlet and challenges me to a MOC-off.
The nerve! The audacity! The unmitigated gall!
Now, normally I don’t do MOC-offs since I tend not to follow rules very well. But, James seemed like he was really in the mood for a beat-down, and despite my hectic work schedule, I was feeling honored to crack open a can of Lego whuppass on the boy! (watch him smoke me after I say that.). So here’s the skinny on the competition…
Opponent: James Theodore
Subject: A ship measuring no more than 80 studs in length, 40 studs in width, and can carry up to 10 minifigs
Deadline: December 31st, 2009
Jack Fonchezzz - Don’t know him that well, but with three Z’s in his name, he’s got to be cool!
Dave Shaddix - A great builder and arguably the biggest sMOCker (MOCpages smack-talker) in the known universe.
Troberts - When the Zombie Apocalypse hits in 2012, he’s the one that’s gonna take you down!
Lee Jones - Ironically this doctor’s the sickest one of ‘em all!
Dave Sterling - His name may suggest silver, but everything he builds is pure GOLD!!!
Chris Phipson - A man who needs no introduction…lots of therapy, yes…but no introduction.
Nannan Z. - Salvador Dali's got nothin' on this guy!
And now on with the show…
CP - 69
The CP-69 is a low budget, piece-of-crap dropship created by Fly By Night Industries for the United Planetary Defense’s insertion (easy does it, Jones!) of their new top-secret biological weapon of mass inconvenience.
Upon the release of this new ship, the UPD was quoted as saying “It’s as ugly as Phipson’s Mom, and just as cheap!”
This unit is small and fast (once again reminding us of Chris!) and its primary function is to get in and out quickly.
It flies low into the insertion point, often without detection due to its size and speed, and from a hovering position…
…drops it’s load of Secret Elite Military Enemy Neutralizers. It then flies off without so much as a “how do you do,” leaving the enemy to deal with the biological repercussions of this split-second encounter. And while the initial bio-damage will continue for approximately nine months, the long-term effects on the enemy have yet to be determined. The UPD, however, was quoted as saying it could be quite an “inconvenience.” Let’s look at some of the details, shall we…
The fuselage unit in front of the drop pods was stated by the UPD as being the primary field generator, which acts as a barrier against anti-aircraft artillery, and also functions to block radar detection. Reporters recently discovered, however, that these are actually mini-fridges containing onion dip, mustard, and Chinese take-out.
One of the ship’s primary thrusters. (Note: the UPD would like to take this moment to offer their condolences on the loss of Fly By Night Industry’s CEO, Dennis Price. While we don’t have all of the details, Mr. Price was thought to have tried inserting a certain body part into one of the intake portals while the thruster was operational. The suction was apparently too strong, and portions of him were found in the hanger later that day. He is survived by his wife and two children.)
This shot was taken specifically for Dr. Jones…he mentioned something about being fond of tail? I’m not sure if this is what he meant, but whatever.
And here we have… um… you know, what? I don’t know. I don’t. And frankly, I don’t care. Somebody else make up something funny for this one. Moving on…
Here we see some close-ups of the drop pods, and one of the UPD’s Secret Elite Military Enemy Neutralizers. Once these bad boys have penetrated the enemy’s line, the war is OVER, baby!
And last but not least, let’s take a look at our courageous pilots. Why, it’s Rory the Chicken and MOCpages own Chris Phipson! Hey Chris, watcha’ doing with a chicken and that bananna? You know what, on second thought, I don’t want to know.
Builder’s Commentary: Okay, I really wanted to go serious with this posting…no, really! I did. I built the ship with a lot of realism in mind, considering it’s potential military uses, creating a very utilitarian aesthetic, and even coming up with reasons for the various elements seen throughout the ship (like the red field generators for stealth, the intakes on the engines, etc., etc.). But, then when it came time to scaring up some figgy pilots and the secret ops guys for the pods…well…it all went to hell in a handbag. Ah, but what fun is MOCing without stupid humor and the abuse of your fellow builders, right?
So anyway, thanks to James for the challenge. Thanks to the judges for taking time out of their schedule to make the call. And thanks to all of you for once again putting up with my inane babble!
Until next time fellow addicts…MOC on!