Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks... . Come listen, good souls, 'bout the tale of a bar
bringing strangers together from near and from far. . (corresponding text is below the pictures)
Down the road comes a wandering party of three,
Dwarf Shifu (Son of Leo), Lord Boner and me.
My title? Sir Hans, the Lord of Hempshire
and the pot wielding monkey is Giggles, my squire.
We'd been riding all day, needing an ale or three
so inquired of two vikings that were drunk by a tree.
'I'm Mahan, he's Gio,' one said with a grunt,
'The pub they call Hard Knocks is the place that you want.'
Behind him I glimpsed, splashing 'round in the water,
A half naked peasant and some farmer's hot daughter!
'That there is Davey, the Goddess is Stacy,
And if you hang out a while it'll get really racy!'
We thought about staying for this fleshy display,
But instead bid them thanks and went on our way.
And there in our path, as we came near to the bar,
Was a huge, ugly prisoner of the Sheriff and two guards.
I am Sheriff Phipson, this is Pricey and that is Jones,
This giant is our prisoner he has sins for which to atone!
This horrible beast will be tried for his crimes!
(But I've done nothing wrong, for the 100th time!)
He eats kids! (No I don't!) He's an animal defiler!
He's The Deathly Halliwell! (But my friends call me Tyler.)
We could hardly care less and just let them pass,
Lord Boner declared, 'Let's get pissed off our ass!'
Heading inside, leaving behind all our cares,
'Round the corner the brewer arrived with his wares.
Friar Heath learned his craft from an old German monk,
Not bad for a one-eyed, one-legged, bald drunk!
Stu saw the kegs arriving and ran home the whole time thinkin',
I'd better hurry up so I can get back and start drinkin'!
Heath wrestled a cask from the back of the wagon, nearly dropping it on his good leg,
When ShannO the barkeep emerged from within to give him a hand with the keg.
'Hey, mate, good to see ya, the folks love your brew,
When you're finished, come back and we'll slam down a few!'
Heath said, 'No problem, I'll finish post-haste,
and when I get back here we'll really get faced!'
Back in the tavern the crowd had grown large
and Heather the bar-wench was just taking charge.
'Get in a line, you rude, unruly louts!
And the next guy to grope me gets their dumb-ass thrown out!'
Ol' Yuri complied, Sebeus I right behind him.
'She sure is a bossy one,' muttered Tom Simon.
Sir Johnson bid Sir Kelso, 'With all respect due,
I've no interest in touching your jousting-stick, dude!'
As Kelso walked away, his shadow it came to life,
It really was Kaleta, the man they call Dark Knight.
Following Sir Kelso took up most of the Knight's days,
He hoped to join along with him in a Devil's Three-Way someday.
Speaking of three-ways reminds me, pay heed and do steer clear
For Parri, Barto and Thorsten are not the real Musketeers!
One for all and all for one is what they'd have you believe,
But that only means you wake up with shame that no amount of scrubbin' will clean!
We had been chatting up this elf, for all that it was worth
Her name was Leda, she spoke kinda funny and came here from Middle Earth.
'I mugged some poor Hobbits for this cool, shiny ring
And then ran them through with this sword they called Sting.
I jumped on my horse, got the hell out of there,
Kept riding for weeks and found myself here!'
The front door flew open and Heath staggered in,
'I'm here with my Smash Bro, let the party begin!
Kevin brought spirits, I brought some cider
We are your one-stop debauchery providers!'
'And last but not least, we brought comedic relief
the unintelligible antics of court-jester Keith!'
A little tower that I built many moons ago and never did anything with, so I figured I'd throw it in here.
Fourth Dimension Commentary: I built the tavern quite a while back, but had no real idea what I was going to do with it, so it just sat and collected dust. A collaboration project that I am working on requires many bricks that are tied up in this, so it was time to get in gear! I built the base/landscape over a couple of days and spent about a week trying to develop the poem/story, no easy task with all the characters I wanted to fit in. Now to tear it down, sort the bricks and get to working on other things! Dadeet, dadeet, dadeet, that's all folks! =) ~H