2012 MocAthalon: Castaway: Expendables . Castaway is a parody of the first season of ABC's hit drama Lost, which ran for 5 seasons. . MocAthalon entry for The Expendables
Category: 15. Castaway: Grab your bricks and build a place that you would love to be shipwrecked on!
Good evening, folks! I'm Ned Dennison, and tonight I'm interviewing the stars of the XYZ network's latest hit, Castaway. My first guest plays the character Zach Wolfe on the show. Tell us a bit about the your first scenes in the movie.
Zach: Well, I wake up in the middle of a jungle, perlexed as to how I got there.
I wander to the beach, where a horrible sight greets my eyes.
Man in engine: Help me! Help me! Hey! Are you a doctor?
Zach: I'm more of an ear, eyes, and throat guy. I'm not sure you'll be using yours much longer.
Ned: And this is the scene where you discover one of the islands great secrets about the airplane crash.
Zach: Yeah. But where'd the magnet come from?
Ned: Okay, my next guest plays Cathy Freckles, a plucky brunette with an attitude and a secret. The scene we're going to show is that emotional one where Zach confronts you about your secret past.
Zach: Cathy, I know you've been keeping something from me.
Cathy: Yeah, like what, Zach?
Zach: You're on the run from the law.
Cathy: What! Why would you say that?!?
Zach: Besides the jumpsuit? The handcuffs were my second clue.
Cathy: Okay, okay. Hey, can you see if this cop is still alive?
Zach: Well, I'm more of an ear, eyes, and...wait, I think I see something.
Zach: Okay, I think it's safe to say he's deceased.
Ned: My third guest plays Jim Finn, a narcistic ex-con with major social issues.
Finn: Hey! I am not an ex-con!
Ned: Sorry, he's a con too. So, tell us about this scene.
Jim: To make shelters on the beach, the castaways stipped the plane down to the bone.
The shelters were crude and crowded.
But, as always, I managed to get the best one for myself.
Ned: My final guest tonight plays Jonathan Keye, a balding believer who manages to annoy just about everybody on the island at one point or another.
Jonathan: Thanks, Ned. I'll remember that.
Zach and I found a secret in the jungle. But secrets don't last long on the beach, and soon we had a few others wanting to go with us.
Okay, it was more than just a few.
We finally mounted an exedition to go visit the hutch.
Ned: Jonathan, don't you mean "hatch"?
Jonathan: No, you'll see the hutch in the next scene.
There it is.
And that's Farmer Ben. He's the one who takes care of the hutch. He's going to explain to Zach all about the hutch.
Ben: Come on in, young'un.
Zach: What's with the hutch, Ben?
Ben: This is it, Zach. The reason for this island's existence.
Zach: Wow, it's bigger than it looked from outside. Um, there are a lot of chickens in here.
Whoa! What's with the dynamite, Ben?
Ben: Hold on a second, there, young'un. I got some island business to take care of.
Zach: Ben? Where are you going with that chicken and dynamite? Oh no!
Ben: Now, look behind you, Zach.
Zach: What! Why is there another chicken here?
Ben: That's the secret of the island, Zach. Here, in this hutch, a new chicken appears every 59 minutes and 59 seconds. Thus, I must dispatch a chicken every 59 minutes and 59 seconds. Otherwise...
Zach: Otherwise, what Ben?
Ben: Let me paint a picture here for you, Zach. One day, I slept in. Fed the pigs. Took a walk. Forgot to dispatch the chickens. And when I returned to the hutch...
Ben: Aarrgghhh! Ma! Grab your recipe book and cleaver and get out here!
Ned: Ah, I get it. If the chickens continue to appear, eventually the world will be overrun with poultry. But, I wonder, where do the chickens come from?
Jonathan: That's where we're going in Season 2.
Ned: Alright, folks. I'm back with Zach Wolfe for our final thoughts. Zach?
Zach: It's a weird island. But I always seem to want to go back. In fact, I'm going right now. Care to join me?
Ned: Um...no. Good night, folks!
Building notes: 7 years of watching Lost finally paid off! (5 years of the show, then my wife discovered it on Netflix.) I liked it for a while, but then my head started spinning every time the plot lines swirled and the characters flip-flopped sides.
That's it for now. Go Team Expendables!