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LIU Atlas - Foetida . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. . LIU Atlas - Foetida The Ludgonian Industrial Union’s galaxy contains billions of stars and planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Foetida. Foetida appears to be a gas planet from orbit with its thick swirling atmosphere, but, in reality, it is an extremely polluted terrestrial planet. Foetida sits near the center of the Cibus Hyperspace Route, a well known route that connects several Mid Rim Agricultural Worlds, such as Lacunar Urbs and Panarium.” Doog: “Foetida’s surface is dotted with large industrial complexes that constantly pump foul, polluted air into the atmosphere. What do these polluting complexes produce? Food, of course. Agricultural Worlds along the Cibus Hyperspace Route ship their products to Foetida to be processed into packaged meals. Foetida Foods, the planet’s main company, produces enough packaged food to feed a large chunk of the LIU Galaxy. The company also ships many of its products to other galaxies, earning the LIU a large chunk of change.” Doog: “I’ve been dropped off outside one of Foetida Food’s Receiving Warehouses. I almost wish I brought a respirator. The air is actually burning my eyes, and it smells worse than burrito night on my ship.” Doog: “Hey, robot. I’m waiting on my guide. Can you go inside and get him? I don’t know how much longer I can last out here.” BORD: “Actually Doog. I am your host. I am a Meteon Robo-Chef. My designation is Chef B.O.R.D. Welcome to Foetida Foods.” Doog: “A robot guide. Lucky me. So Chef Boyardee, what do you do here? And make it quick. If my eyes burn any more, I may go blind.” BORD: “I am in charge of operations in this complex. Robots, such as myself, are the only workers here on Foetida. Biological beings carry diseases and other contaminants that pose a risk to food safety. You are one of only a handful of biological beings that have entered this facility. Which reminds me, before we enter, I need you to wear this.” Doog: “Are you sure this is necessary? I mean, my beard and my mustache are still exposed.” BORD: “Your facial hairs are short. No one will notice if one of those little guys gets into the food. It’s only the big hairs they complain about.” Doog: “I guess. So where are we?” BORD: “This is one of this complex’s Receiving Warehouses. Here, we receive materials to make our products. We receive meats, vegetables, chemicals, and packaging.” Doog: “Fun stuff, Chef Boyardee. The viewers must be enthralled seeing a warehouse. I feel like we changed lives today buddy.” BORD: “The advanced interactive systems in my programming allow me to detect sarcasm Doog. Just so you know.” Doog: “Well then, what are you waiting for? Let’s see something interesting.” BORD: “This specific complex makes specializes in making meals out of Kaadu meat. Our most popular dish is Baked Kaadu over Steamed Veggies.” Doog: “Hey, that’s one of my favorites. My crew and I basically live off these pre-packaged meals. Nothing beats Pony Tacos with Beans though.” BORD: “Ah, my counterpart in the pony complex would appreciate that.” Doog: “So, what’s going on here?” BORD: “These are the Kaadu liquefiers. Raw, unprocessed Kaadu meat from Lacunar Urbs B arrives here in refrigerated transports. The meat, comprising of flesh, muscle, organs, connective tissues, cartilage, et cetera, is loaded into liquefying tanks like these. Chemicals are added that break the various meats down into a protein laden, pink organic sludge. This sludge then undergoes an emulsion process to remove the chemicals. All we are left with is the pink meat sludge.” Doog: “Sounds healthy. I have a bad feeling I’m going to hate eating these packaged meals after this…” Doog: “Ew, gross. You guys have rats here. Isn’t that a problem with food safety?” BORD: “Yeah, we’ve been plagued with rats since this complex first opened. The vermin must have stowed aboard an inbound shipment. But they certainly aren’t too much of a problem…” BORD: “…just a bit of free protein.” Doog: “Yeah, I’m never eating again.” BORD: “The pink sludge is then piped to the next station to be processed into the food you know and love. The sludge is forced out these four nozzles and formed into patties. The conveyer belts takes them down the line to the paint station.” Doog: “Paint?” BORD: “Yes, paint. Cooked Kaadu still retains its pink coloration. Customers tend to associate pink meats with being raw, so the meat is coated with an edible paint to turn them brown.” Doog: “I’ve been eating paint for years…things are starting to make sense now…” BORD: “The next two stations on the assembly line deal with food safety and flavoring. The first robotic arm injects the painted patties with an ammonia based chemical. This kills any bacteria present and insures no bacteria will be able to live there in the future.” Doog: “Gross!” BORD: “The second robotic arm injects a cocktail of various other chemicals to aid in preservation and enhance flavoring.” Doog: “I’ll never see Kaadu meat the same again, but these robotic arms are pretty cool.” BORD: “Doog! What are you doing? You almost stepped on a Kaadu patty.” Doog: “Sorry, I just had to come over here and check out these cool robot arms. Can I touch one?” BORD: “I’d, uh, prefer if you don’t touch her.” Doog: “Her? Is this robot arm your girlfriend or something?” BORD: “Well, I don’t know about girlfriend., but I have been working on her a lot lately.” Doog: “Oh yeah?” BORD: “Yeah, I’ve been drilling her pretty regularly.” Doog: “Really? Have you been screwing her?” BORD: “A few times…” BORD: “Heck, I’ve hammered her yesterday, and I might even nail her when you leave.” Doog: ‘Nice! Well, we just about ran the gamut on tool based innuendos. Shall we move on?” BORD: “Sure, but what innuendos were you talking about. I was being real.” BORD: “Meats are fun and all, but in order to meet nutritional needs, we have to include some vegetables and grains. Grains are easy. You just mix them up with water, and BAM! You have a yummy gruel. Vegetables require a little processing though. Here we have gigantic Pisums. Pisums are highly nutritious, but a bit large. We used automated chopping machines to bring them down to size. After the conveyer belt takes them pass the chopper, they are steamed. They are then ready to be packaged with the Kaadu and grains. The packages are then frozen and shipped off world.” Doog: “Nice. I guess that about wraps it up.” BORD: “Actually, I have a proposition for you. Foetida Foods is willing to give you thirty packaged meals if you will endorse our food on your show.” Doog: “Will I sell out for free chemical-laden processed food that may or may not contain rat meat? Sure, I’ll do it. It’s better than starving. What do I have to do?” BORD: “Just display this image and read this line.” Doog: “Uh, hello. I’m Doog, from TV2’s LIU Atlas. Foetida Foods, like myself, sympathizes with the working class. We know your family needs cheap, easy, and healthy meals. Now you can get all those things with the added bonus of flavor! You deserve it. There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one company that cares about your nutritional needs, Foetida Foods.” Doog: “Well folks, Foetida is an important part of the LIU. Its mass production of food insures that the universe stays fed, even if it is fed with low quality sludge and cheap frozen veggies. Until next time, see ya!” Note: Foetida Food products may not meet nutritional and safety standards set forth by your local government, and they may not be available in your galaxy. If so, move to a better galaxy or overthrow your government. Problem solved.

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