Shannonia continued yet again . Because I'll keep beating this dead horse until the stench becomes overpowering. . Back again! Sir or Madam (most likely sir, I wager), you're quickly becoming a regular -- and the Shannonia Chamber of Commerce knows how to take care of our regulars. Please accept this V.I.G. card* with our compliments. Just present it at any local business for free drinks, automatic seat upgrades at shows, and more!
Shannonia, the biggest little city in -- how far can I go without the city of Reno suing me?
The mighty Blue River. Maybe I mailed it in on the name, but I have precedent. I live near a Green River, which mostly is a deep green, and a White River, which mostly is a muddy white.
Golden Silo condominiums - for the financially $uccessful young professional who wants to live fulltime amidst the bright lights, hustle and bustle, not just visit for a weekend bacchanalia.
This ugly concrete edifice is the Shannonia Convention Center. Currently hosting LegoCon07, which culminates in a last-man-standing battle royale cage match to settle the long-standing rift between space geeks and train geeks once and for all.
Skippy Stadium. And if you have a problem with me naming the stadium after my long-dead beloved childhood dog, bear this in mind: the Shannonia city council turned down a multi-million dollar bid from The Skunk Works for the naming rights. Someone has to stand up against this rampant corporatization.
If you're lucky enough to get an upper floor room on the south side of the Neon Toadstool during football season, you can watch Shannonia's beloved Bricklayers pummel that week's competition for free.
Soak it in kids, this really is the last one. I mean it this time.
Heading north on Ocean Avenue. Named so because it parallels the coastline, and for no other reason.
Omura Teahouse and Japanese Gardens. "One more sake and then I'll be able to karaoke... Nope, that didn't do it, one more... one more... one more... one more... Alright, I guesh I'm ready... where'sh the shtage again? What're we shinging?" *thump!*
The Riverside Club, also known informally as the prenup club. Frequented by pro athletes looking to land a trophy wife, and golddiggers looking to land a wealthy pro athlete.
Trust Harbor Blimp Tours for leisurely, QUIET views of Shannonia Bay.
The pristine beaches of Shipwreck Point National Recreation Area - The powerful Shannonia current has swept countless ships aground here over the years, but it also sweeps our water pollution away for some other town to deal with.
Old Harbormaster's house, tours daily 10-4. In Shannonia's roaring early days, its first harbormaster was none other than Captain Jack Merrimac, notorious pirate. This was entirely in keeping with the character of the young city; as the Captain himself put it once (with justifiable pride), "Yarrr, there be doin's in this town as'd make the Whore of Babylon blush. Yarr."
Barnacle Bill's Shipwreck Museum. Come see REAL PIRATE TREASURE!!! And a bunch of other junk salvaged from over 300 years of wrecks. Oh, and did we mention, REAL PIRATE TREASURE!!!
Bring the kids to Poseidon's Christmas Village, open 364 days a year (closed Dec 25). This odd maritime take on Santa Claus has friendly squid making the toys that a trident-bearing St. Nick distributes to all the good little merboys and mergirls via a raft pulled by dolphins, the so-called reindeer of the sea.
From the Shannonia Times, August 1, 2007:
MAYOR IMPLICATED IN TREE THEFT
What began as an apparent senseless act of vandalism has mushroomed into a sordid tale of shady backroom deals and corruption at the city's highest levels. The city was rocked several days ago by the uprooting and disappearance of two trees in Oceanview Park, and their recent reappearance, planted by the banks of the Blue River, has sparked controversy and outrage. According to a highly placed source, the move was done not just with the Mayor's knowledge and consent, but under his explicit orders. (story continues page A5)
The source alleges the owners of both the Omura Teahouse and Riverside Club paid the Mayor "vast sums" to relocate the trees. "There are only five trees in all of Shannonia," he said, "four in Oceanview Park -- well, there WERE four -- and one by the Temple of the Brick. You want half the trees from the oldest park in town, that's gonna cost you." Reached at his office for comment, the Mayor snarled, "I don't have to answer to you, filthy commoner! I own this city, I'll do what I want! Now get back to work building me that giant tomb out of red diamonds!"
The devastation in Oceanview Park.
As a special treat, some buildings that didn't make the cut. The banana tower here was imploded by special order of the Mayor, on grounds of sheer ugliness.
Tanager Tower. Not a bad building, but it made three boxy ones in a row, and I didn't like it. BOOM!
*V.I.G. (Very Important Geek) card, while supplies last, may not be combined with any other offer, valid only within Shannonia city limits on odd numbered days during the first full moon after the groundhog sees its shadow, offer expires the instant you read these words.