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LIU Atlas - Turribus . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. . LIU Atlas - Turribus The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds. Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo. Doog: “Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I’m your host, Terrance “Doog” McDoogal. Today, we’re visiting the planet Turribus. Turribus is covered in a thick, viscous sea consisting primarily of organic solvents. These solvents have dissolved much of planet’s limestone crust, making the waters rich with minerals and giving it its unique green coloration. Subsequently, precipitation generated by this solvent sea is also mineral rich, and, over millions of years, these mineral rich rains have dotted the surface with thousands of stalagmites. These rocky columns reach up out of the waters and make up the majority of Turribus’ land mass. These stalagmites are inhabited by the planet’s native sentient race, the Turribans.” Doog: “As I get closer to the surface, two large stalagmites catch my eye. It appears that the primitive Turribans have constructed a large structure in between the two columns. It almost appears to be some sort of castle. It’s easily the largest structure in the area, so, I guess that’s where we’re headed.” Doog: “I’ve been dropped off on what appears to be a landing platform on the castle’s largest tower. Despite their primitive status, the native Turribans manning the adjacent towers are armed with some pretty high-tech gear: laser rifles and scanning binoculars. I guess my visit is expected, otherwise this might have been messy. Still, I’m not going to push my luck. It’s time to head inside.” Doog: “Alright, I’ve made my first contact with the native Turribans. My first impression is that they are mighty ugly, and they have ridiculous hair. Hello there. Do you speak basic?” Magistrate: “I’m not a Turriban, Doog. I’m a human, just like you. I’m the local magistrate.” Doog: “My bad. The strange get-up you have going on might have thrown me off. So, you’re a magistrate? What‘s that?” Magistrate: “The native Turribans still live under a feudal system. Lords rule their section of the planet from castles like this. Their vassals, that live on nearby stalagmites, get protection from the lords in exchange for their loyalty and weekly shipments of goods. When the LIU first arrived, it was decided that it would be easier, and cheaper, to incorporate the existing feudal system rather than use military force to install a new system. We picked out a few of the more powerful lords, armed them to the teeth, and helped them conquer their brethren. We’ve reduced the number of feudal lords from about thirty to three. In return, the remaining feudal lords have sworn fealty to the LIU. As magistrate, I oversee the interactions of the three lords, keep peace, and insure the remaining lords are still living up to their promises to the LIU.” Doog: “In other words, you‘re a glorified babysitter and snitch. And what’s with the dorky outfit?” Magistrate: “I happen to take offense to that! This is traditional magistrate garb, worn by myself and my predecessors for centuries.” Doog: “Well, I think it’s time for a new trend. You look like old woman with a mustache.” Magistrate: “Perhaps you should keep your opinions to yourself, especially once we reach the throne room. Your impertinent attitude will not sit well with his lordship. He might get medieval on your butt, literally. You’ll find the Turribans are rightfully classified as…primitive…” Paco: “It’s about time! It’s been days since you’ve visited, White Hair! I have words from my scouts that you have been cozying up to Lord Basal for days on end. It almost appears that you two are planning on making a move against my lands.” Magistrate: “Certainly not, Lord Paco. As I have assured you many times before, the LIU has no interest in any conflicts between the lords. Lord Basal was simply having some labor issues that required my assistance.” Paco: “Ah! Lord Basal is weak. He’s losing control of his vassals. Perhaps you and I should discuss a move against him. I’d happily assume control of his lands.” Magistrate: “Again, we aren’t interested in any conflict. We’ll keep you in power and preserve the status quo as long as you live up to your end of the deal. I presume production is still on track?” Paco: “Unlike my weaker counterpart. We’ve had no issues. Production is well above the agreed limits.” Paco: “And who is this? A reward for my allegiance? He looks plump and tasty.” Magistrate: “No. This is Doog. He’s a representative of the LIU, and I expect him to be treated as such. He’s here to tour your operations. Perhaps you can spare one of your vassals for a few hours?” Paco: “It shall be done, but I expect to be rewarded handsomely.” Magistrate: “Hmm, Lord Basal said he’d do it for much cheaper. Perhaps I should speak to him again.” Paco: “No, no. Fine. Take one of the Aliger. There’s a small village to the east. One of my vassals there would be glad to show you around.” Magistrate: “Alright. I shall return shortly to discuss your reward.” Doog: “Am I seriously riding on a giant bat?” Magistrate: “Not an actual bat, but closely related. This is an Aliger, the winged mount of the Turriban people. The solvents in the water below are an irritant and not safe for swimming. All the species here evolved the ability to fly, so that they may travel among the various stalagmites.” Doog: “I didn’t see any wings on the Turriban?” Magistrate: “The Turribans did have wings at one time, but they evolved a more stationary existence amongst the stalagmites. Their wings became smaller and smaller until they more closely resembled hands.” Magistrate: “Looks like we’re approaching a village.” Doog: “Alright folks, looks like we are finally here. The Turribans have utilized the little available space on the planet to construct vertical villages. Hopefully, one of these villagers will be my guide.” Doog: “Hello there. I’m Doog. Lord Paco said that you’d give me a tour of your world.” Lamia: “Did he specifically mention me? I don’t really have time for this.” Doog: “No, not specifically, but you’re they only habitat on the ground level. I don’t do ladders, especially not rickety ladders like those.” Lamia: “I really don’t have time. I’m on a production schedule. Lord Paco is not very forgiving to those who fail to meet the production quota.” Doog: “I’ll tell you what. Just take me with you. Do what you would normally do. Show me what you produce. I won’t get in the way. I might even help.” Lamia: “Sigh. I guess. Let’s be quick.” Doog: “So, what should I call you?” Lamia: “I’m Lamia. Please, can we hurry up. Grab this paddle.” Doog: “Wait? Shouldn’t we take one of the awesome Aliger thingies?” Lamia: “The Aliger are reserved for the very rich. As you can see by the size of my home, I am not very rich. Come on.” Lamia: “Uh, you’re holding your paddle upside down.” Doog: “Huh, oh, I guess I am. Why am I holding this thing anyway?” Lamia: “Why?! So you can paddle! You said you would help.” Doog: “Correction. I said I might help.” Doog: “What are these?” Lamia: “These are Bloaters, a native plant species. They spend most of the time underwater. When they reach maturity and it’s time to mate, their large fruit inflates with air and brings the plant to the surface. This fruit contains large amounts of nectar. My race subsists off this plants sweet nectar. One of my jobs is to collect nectar from mature plants, not only to feed myself and my family, but to feed his lordship and all his cronies.” Lamia: “The plant’s leaves are also collected. The woody leaves are used for building materials.” Doog: “Let’s grab some up.” Lamia: “There’s not enough space in the boat, thanks to you. I’ll have to come back later.” Doog: “Ok. What’s next?” Lamia: “Look. I think it’s nice that you put your paddle down in the water to pretend like you’re helping, but all you’re really doing is creating drag and making it harder for me.” Doog: “I don’t help…you whine. I do help…you whine. Anyone ever tell you that you’re like a woman? So, what is this? This seems out of place.” Lamia: “In exchange for weapons and power, the feudal lords offer up laborers, such as myself, to operate the LIU’s chemical production rigs. The solvents in the water are apparently valuable.” Lamia: “The rig is pretty self-sufficient, but labor is needed to fill and transport containers. That’s where we come in.” Doog: “Can we take a look inside?” Lamia: “Yeah. I need to head inside and help fill some containers.” Lamia: “As you can see, my fellow vassal is already here filling containers.” Doog: “Can you explain some of the science behind this? What’s exactly going on?” Lamia: “Science!? Do I look like a science expert to you? I live in a f’in hut and use a row boat to get around!” Doog: “Geesh, I was just asking.” Lamia: “Look, all I know is I come here as often as I can and fill containers. I take a canister, attach it to the valve, let it fill up, then take it off. I then take the filled containers to the roof to be picked up. If we don’t fill up enough, we get punished. I might not get any nectar for my family. The science here is simple…production equals livelihood.” Doog: “Well folks, Turribus is an interesting place. By using the existing feudal structure, the LIU is able to produce solvents for almost no costs. Well, see ya next time!” Note: Join the Magistrate Intern Program!…Yes, you have to wear the outfit… Note2: Sorry for another long delay. Production of the upcoming series, LIU Revolutions, is consuming a lot of time and bricks. I needed a short break.

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