Shannonia expanded - part 2 . Shannonia -- home of the giant mutant subterranean killer parrots! . A quick turnaround this time, because I know you all just can't get enough...
A note to our valued tourists -- Shannonia is a resort town. While there are a few "practical" buildings, the majority of the town is devoted to recreation. Some visitors have asked to see structures more appropriate for an industrial wasteland than a vacation destination. The Chamber of Commerce finds this most puzzling -- it's like going to Las Vegas and wanting to tour the bus station or sewage treatment plant. The Mayor's office has released a brief statement regarding these types of buildings: "If you want them, build your own!"
While on the subject of requesting buildings, the Chamber of Commerce has this advice: You are of course free to roam about the town as you wish, but the guided tour, beginning from the beginning, is highly recommended for first-time visitors. You may find that the very building you thought was lacking already exists. It is also possible that that building might exist in a part of town the tour bus has not yet reached. Just be patient -- the driver goes slowly, so that you don't miss anything.
That said, we here in Shannonia do appreciate each and every visitor who takes the trouble to sign the guest book. We value all your suggestions, even if we have absolutely no plans to act on them.
Now here comes the tour bus, so hop aboard! It's fun, and best of all, free!
The best expansion since... I don't know, maybe some of you D&D geeks out there can help me out.
Buried in the shadows of four tall buildings, and with an aquarium for a ceiling, patrons of the Atlantis Lounge truly feel as if they're at the bottom of the sea.
Blue Sky Casino, host of this year’s Shannonia Hold ‘em Tournament, the Superbowl of Slapjack.
City Hall, where the benevolent enlightened dictator we call the Mayor micromanages all of Shannonia’s affairs. There is technically a city council, but it was recently discovered that the councilmen and women were simply manifestations of the Mayor’s multiple personality disorder. Still, the system of checks and balances manages to work better in Shannonia than it has recently in another country I could name.
How far can I go with this thing before I've officially lost it? I still feel like I've got a firm grip on the wheel... but if I start inventing a whole new language for this place, like Tolkien, please have me stopped by any means necessary.
The Classic Space hotel. Blue, gray, and trans-yellow as far as the eye can see, and the entire staff are dressed in classic spaceman costumes. Decent accommodations, but all those relentless plastic smiles get creepy after awhile.
Freddie's FunPlex. Putt-putt golf, batting cages, go-karts, bumper bowling, video games, and screaming kids everywhere. If you hit a home run in the batting cage, fireworks go off and a canned crowd roar erupts over the loudspeakers. What grown man can possibly resist? Good times, if you can ignore all the brats -- kind of like MOCpages.
And just so we're clear, I do draw a distinction between kids and brats. Kids are defined simply by their youth, but brats are defined by their actions. I like kids; brats can go play in traffic.
The historic Stargazer Apartments. Long long ago, this was the tallest building in town, and the residence/observatory of Copernicus Merrimac, amateur astronomer. He was burned at the stake for putting forth his heretical theory of the world being not only flat, but rectangular. Sadly, the mob that torched him was led by none other than the pirate Captain Jack Merrimac -- his own brother.
Cowboy Roy’s Honky Tonk Rodeo Restaurant. Watch bull riding while you eat! Thrill to the hourly performances of Cowboy Roy’s trick lasso team! And remember, that calf you saw roped while perusing the menu may end up on your plate when the main course arrives!
As some of you may have guessed, I did indeed waste many hours of my life playing SimCity. Of course, I've wasted the vast majority of my life anyway...
The Shannonia Lego Store does a booming business, especially since the terrors of plastiknacht, when all the Megabloks and other cheap clone brick users were rounded up and kicked out of town. Since then it's been considered unhealthy not to be seen shopping there at least once a week.
O'Sloshdagin's Irish Pub. It's a little known fact that with enough Guinness Stout and Irish whiskey in you, the works of James Joyce actually become comprehensible.
A few researchers have seen evidence of ley lines in the way some of these buildings are canted. Others see a city planner bored with the rigid orientation of most of the city's structures to the cardinal points of the compass.
Hasta la Pasta Mexitalian restaurant -- the calamari enchilada and nachos primavera aren't bad, but the mariachi opera band is worth the visit in and of itself.
Shannonia Post Office -- three straight weeks without a killing spree! It's a new record.
At the Burgundian hotel, we believe dark red and trans-red can be more than just accent colors.
A nice skyline shot. Give me enough time, and you'll no longer see any white background in these shots, just block after block of little plastic buildings stretching off into the distance...
SpicyCool, both the hottest and coolest club in Shannonia. Chill to the smooth sounds of the islands on the lower level, or spice it up with salsa dancing to hot latin rhythms on the upper level.
It's a conspiracy buff's dream come true! At Truth, Inc. you can bring them your theory, no matter how crackpot and harebrained, and their sympathetic researchers will dig up the "evidence" to bolster it. Theories "proven" this week: Elvis killed Kennedy, Walt Disney and Adolf Hitler were in fact the same person, and if you sail far enough west from Shannonia, you really will fall off the edge of the world.
Are you tired of this nonsense yet? No? All right then -- to be continued...